Physical Therapy for Your Emotions

There is a moment in this work when something shifts. Not because of anything dramatic. Not because of a breakthrough or a crisis or a turning point you could point to on a calendar. Just a quiet arriving. A person, in their own body, finally feeling like they belong there.

I got to witness one of those moments recently. And I am still sitting with it.

How This Client Found Me

This client came to me through my friend and colleague Alex Gay. If you don't know Alex, he is a coach and content creator who went viral on Instagram for his work around identity, authenticity, and queer experience. A client of his, a person in their mid-thirties navigating a newly claimed nonbinary identity, reached out to him wanting support getting comfortable in their body in this new chapter of their life.

Alex did something I deeply respect. Before saying yes to working with them, he told them they needed to get on a call with me first. He felt I was the right fit. I am grateful he trusted that instinct.

We met in mid-February. By the end of that first session, I had a clear sense of what this person needed most: support building boundaries from the inside out. They didn’t need rules. No scripts. They needed a nervous system that could tell the difference between yes and no.

The Tools We Used

I asked early on whether they liked to read. They said yes, as long as it was audio. Same. So I suggested we work through Juliane Taylor Shore's Setting Boundaries That Stick together, chapter by chapter, alongside our sessions.

Every other week, for an hour at a time, we met virtually. We talked through the chapters. We did exercises rooted in the Wheel of Consent framework, which I use as a foundational somatic tool in my practice. The Wheel helps people get out of their heads and into their bodies when it comes to questions of giving, receiving, taking, and allowing. For someone learning to inhabit a body they are still getting to know, it is quietly revolutionary work.

Four chapters in, something was clearly changing. Not just in how they talked about boundaries. In how they talked about themselves. Their sense of self-worth was visibly growing. And as it grew, so did their willingness to expand into new experiences of connection and intimacy. They began stepping into relationships and encounters that would have felt impossible at the start of our work together. Not because I pushed them there. Because they built the internal ground to stand on.

All of that happened before we ever met in person.

The First In-Person Session

After months of virtual sessions, we finally met in person. There is something that happens when the body gets to show up fully, not just from the shoulders up on a screen. The work we had done together had already built a real container. The nervous system regulation, the boundary practice, the Wheel of Consent exercises. When met face to face, the foundation was already there. We just got to inhabit it together in a new way.

We spent the day cuddling and talking. That is what a session with me can look like. It was unhurried and relational. The body as a participant, not a problem to be solved.

Over the course of six hours, at their pace, we also spent time in front of the mirror. Slowly, as they felt ready, they removed clothing. I matched them, step for step, at their readiness. There was no agenda, no endpoint I was steering toward. Just two people, present with their own reflections, in a space where being seen felt safe. By themselves. By someone else. By the mirror that had always told a harder story.

From CNN's This is Life with Lisa Ling, featuring Surrogate Partner Therapy. As a trained Surrogate Partner, this work informs how I show up in sessions like the one described above. Watch the segment around the 9:15 mark at humanconnectionlab.com/spt or on HBO Max. Look for Season 4, Episode 1: Sexual Healing.

What Body Image Work Actually Looks Like

I want to pause here because I think there is a widespread misunderstanding about what body image work is.

It is not about weight. It is not about transformation or before and after. It is not about learning to love what you see in the mirror through sheer positive thinking.

Real body image work is about safety. It is about whether your body feels like home. Whether you can be in it without bracing. Whether you can be witnessed, by yourself or by someone else, without shame flooding in.

Intimacy isn't only about other people. It starts with your relationship to yourself, to your own body, and to being witnessed without shame. Sometimes the path back to that is through safe, consensual connection with another person. That is what this work holds.

A Note on Consent and Privacy

In my intake process, I ask every client: "Often, clients aren't comfortable leaving a public review due to the nature of our work together. Sometimes clients send me feedback, reviews, or just appreciation. Would it be ok with you if those were anonymized in order to share on social media, in marketing materials, or other places?"

This client said yes at intake. And when they shared this particular piece of writing with me, I asked again, specifically about using it in a blog post. Consent isn't a checkbox. It's an ongoing conversation. That is true in my sessions and in how I talk about my work.

All identifying details have been kept intentionally general to protect their privacy.

In Their Own Words

After our session, they sent me this. They graciously gave me permission to share it here.

"This weekend has been life changing. Since March, I have been working with a professional in the world of consent, sex, and cuddles. She does sooo much more as we have also been working regarding resetting my nervous system when setting or receiving boundaries. Yesterday, we spent the whole day cuddling and talking. It was the first time I'd looked at my body naked in a mirror and wasn't ashamed. I celebrated my body. The hard work it has done to carry me in trauma and in safety even in times of danger needs to be honored. Every mark tells my story. Even the parts I'd want to change because they don't match my gender are still part of my story. I'm authentic, safe, and magical."

I have read this a dozen times. It still gets me.

This Is the Work

Not transformation. Not fixing. Not shrinking.

Arriving.

A body that has survived everything it has been through, finally being celebrated for exactly that.

This is what Holistic Intimacy Coaching actually is. It is not advice. It is not a program. It is creating a laboratory safe enough for you to meet yourself.

As for this client, where we go from here is entirely up to them. I am not looking to push anyone toward more sessions. What I hope for is a pull. An internal sense of what they need next and whether working together is part of that. That is the only reason to come back that I trust.

If something in you recognized this, that kind of arrival is possible for you too.

Book a free 20-minute consult and let’s see if this work is for you.