Emotional Neglect & Developmental Trauma: An Easy Guide for Healing

Dec 15

What Is Emotional Neglect?

When people hear "neglect," they often think of extreme situations—no food, unsafe homes, or absent parents. But emotional neglect is different. You might have had a roof over your head and parents who provided for your basic needs, but if your feelings and emotional needs were ignored, that’s emotional neglect.

Examples of Emotional Neglect:

Parents who took care of you physically but didn’t show warmth or listen to your feelings
Being told to “stop crying” or that your feelings were too much
Growing up in a home where emotions weren’t talked about
Feeling like you had to be “seen and not heard”

Why Is Emotional Neglect Hard to Spot?

Many adults don’t realize they experienced neglect because there was no obvious abuse. You might think, “I had food and a home, so why do I feel this way?” But having your emotional needs ignored can have lasting effects. Your pain is real, even if your story doesn’t seem dramatic.

How Emotional Neglect Affects You Now

If you grew up with emotional neglect, you might notice:

Trouble knowing or sharing your feelings
Feeling empty or numb
Finding it hard to trust or get close to others
Always trying to be perfect or criticizing yourself
Feeling like something is “wrong” with you
Struggling to ask for help
Attracted to people who are emotionally distant
Dealing with anxiety, depression, or zoning out

These are normal responses to having your emotional needs unmet—not personal flaws.

Healing Is Possible: What Works

Because emotional neglect often happens before we can remember or talk about it, healing needs more than just talking. Body-based therapies and safe, caring touch can help. Here’s what can support healing:

Somatic therapy (working with the body)
Therapeutic cuddle therapy
EMDR (a trauma therapy)
Parts work (like Internal Family Systems)
Attachment-focused therapy
Nervous system regulation practices

These approaches help you feel and heal the wounds that are stored in your body, not just your mind.

Creating New Experiences

One of the most powerful ways to heal is through new, positive experiences—where you’re listened to, cared for, and your emotions matter. Over time, these experiences can help your brain and body learn that connection is safe and you are worthy of care.

You Deserve Healing

You don’t need to have the “worst” story to deserve support. Emotional neglect is real, and healing is possible. Your needs matter. You deserve connection, understanding, and healing.

Ready to Start?

If you see yourself in this article, Human Connection Lab is here to help. We offer trauma-informed therapeutic intimacy and cuddle therapy in San Diego, Los Angeles, Baltimore/DC, and Pittsburgh, with virtual sessions available. We work with you and your therapist to support your healing journey.

Michelle Renee

Michelle Renee (she/her) is a trained surrogate partner and certified Cuddlist practitioner specializing in trauma-informed therapeutic intimacy. As Co-owner and Director of Training at Cuddlist.com and Co-chair of AASECT's Somatic Intimacy Professionals SIG, she helps trauma survivors reclaim safety, connection, and embodied healing through a collaborative triadic model with licensed therapists.

Michelle's work integrates somatic approaches, EMDR-compatible touch therapy, and nervous system regulation to create corrective emotional experiences for clients healing from sexual trauma, attachment wounds, and relational injury.

Host of The Intimacy Lab podcast and founder of Human Connection Lab, Michelle serves clients in across Southern California and in many cities across the US.

https://humanconnectionlab.com